On Life: Getting Lost in the Busyness of Life

I got lost in the busyness of life and did not even doublethink to take a pause. I lose sight of what is important and continue to live mindlessly. I was a corpse pretending that I was alive.

The truth? I was trying to escape reality. I was hiding behind the busyness. Because I was afraid. I felt so stupid and disappointed when I finally realized all of this. A big mistake that has taught me a lesson.

My mind is not COVID-19-immune, so here I am, repeating the same mistake all over again as I am thrown into the unknown.

To find my new normal during today’s uncertainty or even after, I gave myself different options on how to cope with all the mental stress. As all of you know, I have been dealing with my depression since I was in high school, and it surprisingly became worse last year. So imagine how it is for me right now—dealing with an explosive and cluttered mind and then being thrown into the unknown. A combination that never I imagined.

So what did I do? I let myself get lost once again in the busyness of life. I keep on creating. I keep on writing. I keep on planning. I keep on reading. I keep on watching. I keep on being busy with lots of things. Which at first, was cool. When will I get time to do all of these again? I was productive throughout the quarantine, even though no one told me to. I thought this was me slowly healing my wounds from a tough battle. But, I was mistaken.

I realized I was trying to run away again and face reality. I know for sure that once I stop what I am doing, reality will hit me hard. So hard that it will make my mind explode. That is why I keep going.